Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
