it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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