Dude my mom stole all your condoms
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
