How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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