My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
