my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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