wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
