yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
