then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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