the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
