Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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