Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
