By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
