yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
