Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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