even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
