I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
