I just threw up on my dentist
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
