dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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