When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
