I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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