i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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