the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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