I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize