So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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