She said her name was "party"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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