I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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