woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do vagina's smell?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
