Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
