my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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