I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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