I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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