last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
