How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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