'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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