Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize