My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
