He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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