please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
