How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
