I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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