Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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