On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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