You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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