i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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