I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drunk is not a location!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
