God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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