i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
