I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
