she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
