she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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