I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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