I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
