we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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