everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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