they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
