I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
