I wish I could teleport
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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