He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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