Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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