And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
