I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
