I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
