ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
