How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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