You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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