Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
