If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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