Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
