how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
