When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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