guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
