Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
