How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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