wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
