I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
