I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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