apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
