you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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