When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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