the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think a kid would responsible me up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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