wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
