make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
