my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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