Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
